More musings on life

Good Morning. So many things going on right now. Just trying to wrap my head and heart around it all. My "mom" is back at home with her daughter and she starts chemo today. My prayer is that she responds well to it. Can anyone really respond well to chemo? But, I hope the cancer shrinks a bit and this will give her more time with her loved ones. My heart goes out to her daughters, one who is struggling with the day to day aspects of this and the other who feels helpless and a bit removed. There is so much unknown when it comes to illness. How long? Is there suffering?pain? the waiting to hear..the fear. For me, I am just witnessing what comes up. Just trying to be really honest with myself. Even when its uncomfortable. I spoke about guilt. But after speaking with my "mom" I don't much anymore. What could I have done to make her life different? NOTHING. She knows I love her and she accepts me and loves me back. That's all that matters. LOVE. So like Forrest Gump says "thats all I have to say about that.". I am trying to get my health in order. I want to drop a few pounds before my surgery. I have finally made a date to do my tummy tuck. I am tired of this tummy flap I have and no amount of exercising is going to make the skin tighter. So, again I am having all kinds of feelings around this. I had some guilt that I was taking money away from my kids/family. Andrew reassured me that we saved for this and we will be ok and that I deserve to have a waistline again!
Hear!Hear! A waistline..ahhh. I want to enjoy clothes shopping again. I want to throw out all the xl's and maternity wear that I still have! Yes folks, maternity. My youngest is going to be 7 on Saturday. Throw away the maternity clothes already!!!! I am not gunna lie and say I'm not a wee bit scared too. I'm undergoing a surgery that will take about 4-41/2 hours. But, I needed to sh*t or get off the pot. I have been talking about this since before the kids were born. So, now we have a birthday party this weekend and are having some friends over as well. Busy,busy,busy. But fun stuff on the horizon.
Have an awesome week and a great weekend and I'll blah blah blah again soon. xoxo