Something has changed with the options on how my blog looks. Or rather I cannot choose a font or font size. I hate not having control over this and I don't like change. Sound familiar. Hey your human too. Just got back from a play date and TJ's. Very cool today. Overcast and kinda gloomy for a summers day. Ahh Northern Californian summers...I know I shouldn't complain...we do have heat waves in March that I look forward to every year. And to be totally honest most of the year is like Springtime. My favorite..Having a hard time loading my video today. I did it while I was logged into Andrew's account. Now I'm all confused. I'll post it later. Lots to do before our trip. Laundry, clean, pack, get birthday cards signed for Grandma, print out some photos...I'm sure I'm forgetting something. My back is really bothering me. I don't want it to go out right before our trip. I don't want it to go out at all, but especially before our holiday! I keep asking myself "are you really stressed out?" Well , no more that usual...I think. In a lot of ways I've been feeling better about a lot of things. Yet here we are. Back issues. Is that about feeling supported?

Morning Shmorning

Pretty organized this morning. The kids are ready for school and we have a 15 minute buffer. That rarely happens. We blew a fuse this morning and the fridge is off. Of course I call Andrew. He tells me that the fuse box is in the garage. Well, its behind all kids of large, heavy items and I'm like "crap!". I will have to do It later. One more thing to add to the list. I need an extra mom. The kind of mom who will do the house work, fix things, sets up appointments and reminds you about them, packs everyone's stuff for vacations, makes you a healthy snack, and tells you that your still pretty despite the fact that your turning 42 too soon. Any takers?Well, off to the store so I can get back in time to clean the kitchen, before the boys get home from school, and before the handy man comes to fix the drawers and the grout. Oh right and the fuse! Where's my brain? Haave a great day!

Faith

I think I got the sound thing figured out. Count down to vacation time. I can't wait! I am soo looking forward to having some Andrew time as well as family time. So many of my friends and acquaintances are struggling. Losing jobs, foreclosing homes, separations, etc. It's hard not to get depressed about the state of affairs of the country or the people I love and care for. This has to be for a reason right? Spoke to my mother in law yesterday and she told me about a couple she knows. The provider lost his job as an engineer and has been looking since Christmas. He is interviewing this week at the local Tesco's. It's a large supermarket chain in England. You need to do whatever you can to support your family. Doesn't seem to matter anymore if you have a degree or not these days. Sad state of affairs. Anyway, enough of that. Have faith that these are blessings in disguise.

Being in the moment...

This morning after I recorded my video I realized that my children had pulled out the microphone lead. So no sound. Had to do it twice. The first one was, of course, profound. New one...eh. Anyway, I am joined by my son, Emilio in the end who wants to do funny faces again. Maybe later. Hope we are all learning to live in the NOW. XOXO.

keeping in touch

It's been great re-connecting with people. Facebook has allowed me to do that. I can see how Facebook can be a big time waster..if you get too caught up with the games and quizzes and such. Though I have to admit to enjoying some of the other applications ;0. I'm feeling lucky and blessed this morning. Even in the midst of the global economies meltdown and my communities issues, Andrew and I are incredibly lucky. We don't have debt, except for our mortgage. We live simply and within our means. That's not to say that we don't desire the means to do more or have more. Sometimes it is frustrating to nickle and dime everything, but it is what it is. We have each other. That in itself is a blessing. I am so thankful to have a partner in this life who is my best friend. Someone who calls me on my shit. Who tells me sometimes about myself...even when its hard to say. Knowing how defensive I can be. And I do the same..eventually. I've learned so much about myself being in this relationship and continue to on an almost daily basis. The children are amazing teachers as well. Big time for healing, people! Big time for growth and change..not just personally but globally. Take that! booyah! ;)

Fear of Success?

I think it is not unusual to be afraid of failure. We all are afraid to some extent. I also think fear of success is not unusual either. "Be not afraid of greatness." Twelfth Night. Yet what holds us back from even trying? A voice in your head? One that isn't even yours? A parent or a teacher who once told you you weren't good enough? Auntie or Uncle, Grandparent? One thinks that it's a grown ups job to encourage a child's believe in him/herself right? Well, this was not the case for many of us. And for a lot of children in the world , it is still not the case. This is behavior that has to change. I know I'm doing my best to change that for my family. This can only really happen one person at a time. Changing the way we behave or react to situations has a trickle down effect. Or ripples out. Let's get on that people. Peace out.

more judgement...

You know doing this blog is still a bit scary for me. It's a place for me to be as honest with the process of growing as I can. Yet there is still a part of me that holds back. I feel like I can share certain things about myself, but I have to be careful about what I say in regards to how I react to other people, I don't ever what this to be about talking crap. My meditation was about the choice to have a positive attitude which breeds positive experiences. In other words, we attract into our lives that which we expect. If we expect our day to be difficult, full of effort...it will be. I love my friends..they're really more like family for me. So what happens to them feels sometimes like it's happening to me too. I think "what can I do?" I also have been realizing that there is information we hold back from each other. I don't want to do this. If we don't have anyone that we can be our true selves with...well...what's the point. All your life is "acting" and not being authentic. Which is a word we hear a lot about but, are we ever really authentic? Food for thought.

When life gives you lemons.....

Good morning. There is still this weird pause and I sound like a demon again briefly. Strange. I'll have Andrew look into this weekend. Getting excited about impending vacation. Trying not to feel guilty about the cost. I feel very lucky that we get to have one. As more and more people are becoming unemployed, I'm starting to worry about our situation. Andy and I spoke about this last night. He's worried that he has not been able to really save any money this year. I said that at least we've been able to handle all the "little emergencies" that have come up. Whether it's our tenants who are late with the rent, their check bounces, there's a problem with the toilet, school fees are due,or we need to fix a dent in our car. We are able to handle it. Yes, it's stressful. Sometimes it's not fair. But here we are. How are we going to react to the situation? What we are trying to remember is that we have each other. To listen, to lean on. Let's not forget or take this for granted. Also, no matter how well you know someone...we can't read each others minds. Well, not always. So communicate to the best of your ability. Honestly.

Today I had a visit from a great friend that I hadn't seen in a long time. Was so wonderful to catch up. Something else I discovered living my process is, being honest, really honest is the only way to truly grow and connect with someone. Sharing our stories opens us to the possibility of learning something new about someone or ourselves. This may seem obvious to some, but for me...well, I've always been pretty guarded. Supporting one another without judgement, accepting ourselves for who we are and not who we wish we were, so that we can really accept others, treating ourselves and others with respect. Learning to look fear in the the eye and spitting in it! Well, maybe not spitting, but definatly not letting it lead me by the nose. Humor has been key too.Anyway, going to go hang out with my hubby now. LOVE!

Communication

"Life lessons are simple, once I give up the struggle." Sounds easy enough, no? I have been saying to myself, "surrender"a lot these days. Be open to receive new opportunities. Easier said than done. Anything worthwhile takes practice, right? In today's video there is a glitch where I sound demonic....it doesn't last long. And the sound and the image are off today as well. It was like I was in an old Godzilla movie. Anyway, I have noticed that my eating patterns are slowly returning to the "old" ways. Not good. I find myself craving ice cream and fried chicken. I'm also inhaling stuff. For a while there I was really mindfully eating. Taking the time to make myself something healthy and yummy. Sitting down and eating. Recently I have been shoving things in my face, barely even tasting the food. What's up with that! This morning I WILL have oatmeal with flax! Trying to treat myself with respect. Practice, practice, practice.

Happy Sunday

Was and interesting day today. Church was great. I am feeling better about it every time we go. I love the music and the guided meditation. There is usually and inspiring or uplifting "sermon". The Unity community is such a friendly and welcoming one. There are really nice people and I love Berkeley. I'm still getting used to the differences between my catholic church experience and Unity. Night and day. I think we are going to be happy going there and being a part of the Unity community. I just like saying that. :) Went with Andrew to the movies today too. Dropped off the kids with their Nana and went to the new Harry Potter flick. Was really good. Lots of details from the book missing, but then we decided that the movie would have been like 5 hours long. Was a nice afternoon. Going to settle in and get to bed at a decent hour. More tomorrow.....

Oh what a beautiful morning....

So today the kids get into the act. Second video at the end. They love the special effects. It's a gorgeous day today and Andrew, the kids and I are going to take full advantage of it! Have a great day!

fun,family, and friends

This is what it is all about folks. The boys are getting so big! Joaquin and Emilio are starting kindergarten in the fall and Antonio is finally potty trained! Yay! no more diapers or pull ups! here are a few pictures of our recent activities.

And now this....

The sound thing is fixed! Andy fixed it for me. Yeay, tech guy!

Moment by Moment

Was a good day. Gonna be another today.

Deep breath people

"Today is a new day" Chicken Little. Sometimes this is my mantra. Yesterday has past and I have today to make a new start. All of us. Yesterday does not define who we are. Nuff said.

When did I turn into a big fraidy cat?

Hello,
Today I an feeling a bit insecure. I have a playdate with a woman from the boys pre-school today. Funny, how it became my playdate. The boys have a playdate with twin girls. They are very sweet and cute, the boys call them their girlfriends. We were invited over to their house a couple of weeks ago and had a great time. Their mother seemed as nervous as I, so I felt more at ease. After a while I realised that we have a lot of the same anxieties. Worried about our husbands jobs, about someone bullying our kids, staying sane in the midst of all the craziness that is happening in the world. They are coming to our house today....do we have enough stuff to keep the girls entertained? Do I know where everything is? Stuff gets put away in verying places sometimes....Anyway, gotta go...

Being present and the Cuell's go to church...wha?

Mornin' ya'll,
Didn't post yesterday, had a lot going on and needed to process before talkin' to you. So, I'm able to get my video's down to two. Trying to get up earlier to do them so the munchkin's don't interrupt. So off we go!

love and connection

Good Morning all,
I wanted to talk about truth and connection. I understand how hard it is, for most of us, to be completely truthful. With others and ourselves. Especially ourselves. What prompted me to do this, this blog, was because of an infomercial that I saw one day. I had been noticing that on this one cable channel all it said was Anxiety and Depression. So, finally I checked it out. What I saw were lots of people talking about how anxiety and depression had been effecting their lives and the lives of their family members. I heard a lot of the same things I had been experiencing. I thought Wow! Ok, what's the secret? No drugs,excellent! This woman had devised a way, a program to help. So, what do I do? I go online and research who this lady is. Her program is ridiculously expensive. Affirmations, exercise, vitamins...stuff like that. Lots of angry people who felt cheated in their time of need. A lot of people felt it was a scam. There are books you can read that give you the same advice. Full price maybe $30 bucks. Her program was over $400. Sad. People are desperate. We live in a hugely stressful society and we need to take better care of ourselves. We do that...and we can teach our children too. Anyway, here's the vid for today! Love, love, love to you!

Good Morning..let's talk addiction

hard lessons and hard times

I decided a while ago I was going to chronicle my journey through this particular time in my life. I have been journaling for a while and that has been a tremendous tool for me. I am going to figure out how to use the blasted video cam thing and upload it so I can talk this out and share my process. I welcme comments and I don't really know if anyone will ever see this...but here goes....talk to you soon.