got that ol' funky feeling....

Doing my homework for my grief class. Working on my grandma now. I think this has been the hardest for me to do. I loved her more than anyone. She was my mother for the first 12 years of my life. Good or bad this is fact. After she died I did something that is pretty common. I enshrined her. You couldn't say a bad word against her or I would literally chew you up and spit you out! Then, a few years later, in therapy I had a revelation. Realising certain things I did the opposite. Bedevilment. I was so angry. I know that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Good or bad. Right or wrong. At the end of the day, I know she loved me. She loved me more than I probably even realise. So, here I am. Doing the work. Feeling the feelings. Trying to get the past where it needs to be ...in the past. Growing up is hard sometimes. I feel that I need to do these things so I don't pass on to my children the sames dysfunctional ideas. My inner critical voice has been running amok for a while and I know it's going to take some time to change the tape. Work in prgress......